I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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