Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
