I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
