oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
