I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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