apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
