Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..