i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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