I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick