i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon