a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.