thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
