he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?