I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
