That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
