Only a mothe r could love this liver
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
