sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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