Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
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It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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