The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
