Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
