I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
