You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
