tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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