nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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