YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize