the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
