there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
