well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
