So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
