I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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