There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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