A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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