How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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