doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
