Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
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He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
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Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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