Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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