i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
