I must be too annoying 4 u.
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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