I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want to have your abortion
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
