If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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