yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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