He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
