and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
