there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
