sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
bring money and cleavage
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
