could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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