I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize