i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
