I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
