Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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