you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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