worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
