we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
