are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
