We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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