btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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