capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
