how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
