Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
