I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
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If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We're too hungover to prance.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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