If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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