so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
