she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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