So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
