Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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