plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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