I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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