Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
