I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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