i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
