My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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