return my video game
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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