i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
