Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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