You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
