remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
