if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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