after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
