is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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