Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
