That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
