He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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