You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
